Masters of the Crossroads

The Homies

2009-09-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

I know it has been over two years. This is where we are now. These are the characters:

DP- He came here in the Jr. High almost three years ago. He is all about the hood and the homies and the locs. He can be charming and has a sense of curiosity and desire to learn. He is easily distracted and prone to bringing the hood into the class. Nigga this and nigga that and Fam you shoulda a seen this shit...and on and on and the cell phone and the ipod and the Psp and the new shoes and the sagging jeans and the boxers. It's all about the distractions. He came to Crossroads last year from the Jr. High. LO said he needed a smaller environment and a predictable routine. By the end of the year he had toned down his act came to school every day and earned full credit. He asked if he could be in Crossroads again to start the year. We have a trust. He does what I say. He has lost a little ground and old behaviors have come back though not as severe. I hope to move him out at the end of the quarter.

LD- He is friends with DP. Similar in his hyperactivity and constant obsession with all things in the hood and on the streets. He too can be charming. His pants sag so much that he waddles when he walks. For a while last year he sucked on a pacifier. But he can quickly escalate into a state of explosive anger and profanity. It is a familiar pattern of learned behavior that he seems unwilling to break. Again the cell phone often plays a major role. Often it is his mother on the other end calling in the middle of class about something that happened at home or in the hood. Something stolen or missing from the house. Something somebody said or did. She says we treat her son unfairly and it is us that are the cause of his outbursts. Last year she kicked him out of the house and sent him to live with a friend for several weeks because of an argument they had. Another time she came to school with him and another son she brought along who does not go to school here, went to the 3rd floor and confronted another kid for something said in the hood. I broke up the near fight got them into an office and tried to sort things out. They all smelled of weed.The brother said yeah he was smoking but not LD. I wondered where was the mother while this was going on. What was she thinking to come into the school with sons in tow smelling of weed and looking to fight? She was offended that I spoke harshly to her son. He had skipped the morning and only came now to confront the kid and perform in a talent show for 6th hour. I said go home. Now he is back for one more try. In spite of multiple phone calls to him and his mother in which they agree on a time to meet for re-entry they show up 3 hours late and miss the chance to sign up for school. Nothing has changed. He will not make it. The tragedy is that he is well aware of his foibles and triggers but falls back on the familiar.

OF- When he came last year he was on probation and and living in shelter. Considered a ward of the state. His father is undocumented and nowhere to be found. His mother died when he was five. He has lived on the streets for a year. He stole a car got caught and was locked up. He says straight out that he does not care for school. He wears his hair long and has delicate features. He says he is not in a gang but only hangs out with those guys. That is a lie. He is 18th St. He has a foundation of learning from early school in Mexico. He is bright and engaged in class. He says it is only because he has no choice. He was able to leave the shelter and live with an aunt that they found. By summer she had kicked him out and now he lives at the home of another student. He has been in a lot of drama. He has a big mouth and never backs down. He comes to school every day. He is balancing on a thread. I wonder how long he can keep it up.

RA- He has been here since Jr. High. A friendly, playful, lovable kid who cannot focus or get things done. He lives across the street with his mother. We have known his family for years. He did not want to be in Crossroads. His mother and I gave him no choice. He needs a smaller environment and consistent structure. By the end of last school year he was earning full credit and changing his behavior. When I saw him in August he asked if he could come back to Crossroads. How could I refuse? Oh yeah. He is 18th St.

TA- From the Jr. High. Cambodian. He has family here. Always the cap and hood. Quiet and sometimes moody. So far he is trying to work hard. He writes in street talk and tries to use 5's instead of s"s. 5 point stars all over his papers. He represents Asian Bloods.

GN- A West Side Blood. Was here 3 years ago in Jr. High. Truancy and Weed were his downfall. Once they did a home visit and the house was filthy and reeked of weed. The mother didn't even try to hide the pipes and bongs on the coffee table. A few week later the house got raided and the kids went to foster homes for a while. Now he is back home. Says he wants to graduate. So far he has been here every day. He works hard and tries to please. He has a girl friend in the 11th grade. It appears to be an unhealthy relationship. Other staff have seen him pushing her around. His calmness explodes into uncontrollable anger. He is in denial. Somethings gotta give.

UG. Another 18th St. Quiet. Could be an extra in one of those cop shows set in LA. Shaved head. A homey holding down the barrio. So far he works hard and keeps a low profile. His efforts to connect with me defy gangsta looks.

WR. A new kid. He is 17 and has not earned credit in 2 years. His mother says he's been sent home or in detention for bad behavior. She looks tired. She has given up. He seems unaware that he has a problem. He all about style. The belt, the jeans, a Sponge Bob back pack, cell phone, ipod, headphones, and being a clown. I am afraid he will wear my patience and burn his last bridge.

TA. Could be WR's slightly darker twin. They even speak with the same style and inflections. Only he has writing skills and seems eager to please. But he likes to get WR going and then stand back and watch the action. He has a Spiderman back pack.

DC. Quick to connect. A new student but knows everyone. He is friendly and easy going. Was locked up for stabbing one of his homeys. Was unable to tell me the clear details and circumstances of how it happened. Both of his parents came to the interview. Neither of them could tell me either. He has a genuine innocence about him in spite of what happened. I do not believe he was being evasive or defiant in not telling me clear details. He honestly did not know and could not grasp what happened.

Back On The Road

2009-09-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

9/23/09

I am still here. In this place. Some have passed and moved on. Others were left on the side of the road because they could not keep up. Still others wandered into the swamp and became tangled in the morass of vines and quicksand. Lost.

Time has passed and much has not been said. Let me start again. I have tales to tell.

The Catcher in the Rye

2007-01-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

I know the metaphor has probably been used before. I know that this is all I know how to do. But lately I have grown weary. They just keep running right off the cliff. I trip them.I throw nets. I grab. I tackle. I hit them with rocks. Just to stun them. But still they keep coming. Still they keep jumping.I am only getting older. January is almost over and I just want to lie down in the rye and go to sleep. Take a little nap. I can hear the screaming chatter of their voices fade to murmurs as I drift off.

I stacked a load of firewood this weekend. Four perfect rows. Six feet high. I stacked them 2x2 against a wall in the garage. After I finished I returned time after time to gaze at the perfect organic symmetry. I could do this for a living. Give me 5 dollars an hour. Some beans and rice.

No. I will come to my senses. Get up Monday. Back to the field of rye. Even if I can keep one from falling. Throw him down. Place my foot directly on his neck. Hold him down long enough for him to wake up. There is a cliff over there you idiot. Oh he will say. Thank you. I didn't know.

Slouching Towards Bethlehem

2006-12-24T12:32:00.000-08:00

What rough beast is this? I have been slogging. We all slog at this time. There is no real winter but the drudgery sets in and effects us all. The attendance is falling. Behaviors get stuck and repeat themselves. Endlessly. The 9 are still here. I suppose most are doing well. Consider the nature of the beast. That is what I remind myself. We finished December with a science week on The Laws of Motion. They all got through. Some better than before. Some not. For now we rest.

My Doggz

2006-11-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

Cesar Milan is The Dog Whisperer. He says dogs really only need 3 things to be happy: Exercise. Discipline. Affection. In that order. I am on this road with a pack of dogs. Lately I have tried to make exercise a part of our routine. We have always done the walks. They use the walks to smoke cigarettes. As it becomes colder we have have gone to the gym for our breaks. They hoop. I watch. I watch how they interact as a pack. I look for signs of the hierarchy of the pack. I have not seen an alpha or an omega. They banter and they tease but it all evens out. I would think that A with his slightly effeminate mannerisms would be the omega. But he holds his own on the court. He is athletic and quick. He is fearless. He is the only one in the pack besides R with a girlfriend. It gives him a secret status. I know the others have seen them entwined against the wall or in the stairwells between classes. R's girlfriend is expecting any day now. I suspect she is more like a wife than a girlfriend. When we first get to the gym there is a sort of 5 minute period of pure energy release. Balls flying wildly across the floor before it becomes one ball and they organize themsleves into 2 opposing teams out of the random chaos. The teams are always a little different each time but they are always evenly matched. I am amazed to watch their sense of fairness and self-regulating even as they compete against each other. I have never had to intervene. They invite me to ref. I am afraid I would just get in their way. I know that none of them have ever played organized sports. They all play so hard. I have watched them go full on for over half an hour and continue to play even when I tell them it is time to go to lunch. At first I thought maybe I was cheating them out of academic time by bringing them to the gym. No this is therapy far more important than the wanderings of Francisco Coronado or the founding of Jamestown.

The discipline is the routine we practice. The the tasks that I give them. They grumble and whine but no one has ever outright refused. The alpha rules by the force of his presence. Not by bullying or intimidation. The pack follows the alpha because they trust him. It is a delicate balance when the dogs are teenage boys.

I bring them pastries on Fridays. I am not above bribing them with treats. My weak attempt at affection.

End of the Quarter

2006-11-19T19:14:00.000-08:00

The new quarter began last week. This is how it stands. There were 12 at one time. Now there are 9. B was the first to loose his way. The truancy and family were too much. He made his choice. It was already made for him. The pathology is too deep. He will wait patiently until he becomes too old for them to move. His mother will let this happen.

N had to go. The drama with the 13's was too much. They locked him up. 2 weeks later the PO called asking if he could come back. He could not. I saw him walking down the street alone. Head down. Hat pulled low. I saw his PO days later. She says he is on the run again. He has warrants.

M ran from home a few days after court. They had him on ISP. It has been weeks now. We have heard nothing.

The 9 are still here. All of them have earned more credit than they have ever earned. They are coming every day. There is still a lot of work. Anything can happen. We are 1 week into the 2nd quarter.

Monday

2006-10-30T19:22:00.000-08:00

R-1 is not here. His attendance has been perfect for weeks. I see his soon to be baby's mama. I ask where is he? She says he must be home sleeping. She looks sheepish. But she is not his mama.

M is on the run. The ISP has a warrant. He will get locked up. Maybe placed somewhere out of his home.

We have just finished a reading from the journal of Alvar Nunez de Cabeza de Vaca about his encounters with the indigenous. How he and his handful of men survived years in a savage strange land. We watched the Roger Corman film Cabeza de Vaca. He survives captivity to become a wandering healer among the indigenous. Finally he finds a party of Conquistadors. He questions his own religion. His men boast of fantastic cities. Cities of gold. He is silent. Francisco Corornado soon sets out to find the cities. There are 7. He takes with him The Requerimiento. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Requerimiento. We read The Requerimiento. I deconstruct and break down the vocab. They must write a letter in response to the document.

E steals a black sharpie from A who is helping him write his letter. He asks for her apple. She gives it to him. He takes her orange too. She finds the apple smashed in the hallway. There is fresh graffiti on the wall outside the bathroom and inside.
I hear this. I say to A that we must confront him. She is hesitant. We have too. Yes he took the sharpie. No he did not do the graffiti. I say he can't return until he replaces the sharpie and cleans the walls. I call his mother. Her son does not do graffiti. We can't prove it. Never mind he stole the sharpie. He smashed the apple because it had a hole in it. None of this was her mijo's fault.
She is not concerned with his disrespectful behavior. Only that we cannot prove he wrote 13k on the walls. But he will return tommorow with the black sharpie and he will clean the walls even though he did not do it.

Sorting Out The Pieces

2006-10-27T15:41:00.000-07:00

Aftermath: The consequences or aftereffects of an event. Esp when unpleasant.

N shows up Tuesday as if nothing had happened. Gone the day after. Gone Monday. I say we must wait until we talk with the PO. He insists that it is cool. Everything is cool. What's the big deal? I bring up his Myspace site. He is stunned. His facade is cool. A big misunderstanding. He will delete his Myspace. He is here. He just wants to go to school. It wasn't his fault. Wrong place. Wrong time. For an instant he forces himself to cry. But he can't sustain it. I had fallen for it once before. It was a calculated act. On cue.

I know it is not his fault. He did not calculate his life. I know well and good that he is a victim of his own circumstance. His fucked up family. His mother. His adolescent brain. Still there are consequences and reprecussions. Go home till we sort this thing out.

At noon the PO arrives. There is a warrant for N. He has not been home since that day. They know he is at home now. They go to get him. For the greater good he cannot come back. I wonder what will happen.

I am sick all week. A bad cold. I am losing my voice. It hurts to talk. I have to talk.

M returned this week after a court hearing which put him on ISP. Now he has a team of 3 POs. Any wrong move gives him 24 hours in lock-up. He is not happy. There will also be family therapy in the home. Keeping him at the Road will be hard. Earlier in the week I had a dream that 3 of his younger brothers were here to sign up for school. I was told I had to take them. I walked into the room and there they were around a table. The same green eyes as his. Glowing from their hood covered heads. They smiled. They had very sharp teeth.

She has a running theme lately. Men being men. Men showing boys how to be men. Boys with emeshed mommies. Let the men step in. Solve it like men. Months ago in the NYTs I read about teenage boy elephants run amuck on binges of pure malice and destruction. Their daddies were gone or dead. No men. Only boys. Lost without men. Emeshed to their mommies.N,E,B,M. They are all teenage boy elephants.

She is part of the case management now. She oversees the hard work. The therapy part. Cuts through the dance. While she herself is figuring out the dance. She is amazed at the complexities of the development of teenage brains. She reminds us of this. Draws our attentions to this. She pulls no punches. She sorts out the pieces.

Drama With The Sur Treces

2006-10-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

Out of the light and back into the tunnels. The drama is constant. N has drawn the drama to us through his Myspace. Now the Myspace is a place to bang and represent. Apparently it is common. N has sent taunts and braggadocio to girl who is down with the Surenos. The big girl comes to the school with a car full of 13s. School is just letting out. She steps to N waving her finger in his face. He is mute. The adults intervene. She leaves but not before her homies throw their signs and disrespect the West. The West hates the South. It has always been like that. They recongregate across the street. Groups converge. Words are exchanged. N gets smacked. Apparently the West does not stand by him. They stand only for the West.

N does not go home. Now he is on the run. The school is abuzz with the aftermath of the drama. The PO says there will be a warrant. I don't know what will happen. N is back on the road with no light.

Sometimes There is a Light

2006-10-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there is a light at the Crossroads...but there is always another tunnel. The little light keeps us on the road.

Last week the whole school had a day for parent conferences. There were a lot of Parents. More than I have ever seen. The Crossroads had 100% attendance. 4 conferences were really therapy sessions. 3 of the 4 became us as the facilitator between the young masters and the parents. The other one was getting a parent to help reel in a wayward young master. All of the other conferences were feel good feasts of celebration and praise.

Friday and today my attendance was 100%.

Today I met with K and his father and a translator. K has let his anger get the better of himself lately. The father wonders if perhaps we could arrange through the PO to have his son locked up for just a day or 2. I say that is not possible. We cannot be the ones to have his son locked up. He says maybe he should move his son to a different school to get away from his bad friends. I tell the father is son is doing better than he has ever done anyplace else. I say we like his son very much. His son has missed only one day of school since we started. He used to miss a lot of school. The problem is not his friends at school. The problem is his son's anger. He says he will talk to his son. He thanks me for caring about his son. All of this is through the translator. K sits quiet and respectful. Eyes downcast. Only a word or 2 to his father in Hmong. At first I feel like I am betraying him to his father. But I see his father knows these things. And I see that K knows these things are true. I see that he knows my intentions. He is not mad at me. He hold no grudge.

A has returned with all his missing assignments. At the conference he was slunk low in his chair. Hood up over his face. Sullen and resentful. His foster father scolded him. Asks me if I can arrange to have him locked up. Again I say that is not my job. He has committed no crime other than recalcitrance. The next day A shows up with his missing homework. Today he has more and is working hard to complete his tasks. He has a lot of work to do. But now there is something to work with.

On Friday the father of R-2 comes to his appointment with a family therapist. He brings his other son and his other son's 4 year-old daughter. I am amazed more than I have been in a long time. Today the mother of R-2 comes to his IEP meeting. She came on the bus. Later R-2 comes with her to my office. Her transfer has expired. Can he give her his student bus card? I give her 2 dollars. She says she will pay me back. I say not to worry. She has other things to worry about.

Bumps on the Road

2006-10-10T18:18:00.000-07:00

Mid-October. The easy days of fall have given way to forboding. Winter is coming. Some things will hold together. Some will fall apart.The shit will show.There was a noticeable tension at the Crossroads today.

M is hostile. Belligerent. Came to school Friday and left with others to smoke a blunt.He was sent home when he tried to come back. On Monday he was back but refused to participate in the morning routine. I sent him out. We met with his mother the next morning. She is trying. I said he must have counseling. He is refusing. After his mother left he was hostile and sullen. He left.

L could not sit still. He was up and about interrupting and inappropriate. Like last spring. I told him to leave. He left then burst back in to get a cigarette from one of the homies. He must come back with his father.

E is back to his old tricks. Self-rightous anger and silence. He is easily offended.

N is back from lock-up. He is not doing well at home. He is not going home. I can tell because he has worn the same clothes 3 days in a row. He is mad at his mother.

B is done for good. We had one last meeting with mother, the PO, and the Therapist. Miss 2 days and we are done. Start therapy. Right after this meeting. He was not happy. He felt set-up. But this is what we agreed in August and now he must. He does not return the next day. Or the next. Now he is done.

We will force a crisis. This is old behavior. It must change. There is hard work to do. We will not continue like this for the year. Do the work. Address the issues or go some place else.

A Week of Birds, Bloods and Crips.

2006-10-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

The whole school spent a week studying birds. Just a general overview. All crammed into 1 week. The young Masters all went along with the program for the most part. They did their tasks. They did some research. They wrote 2 papers. We all went on a day long road trip to look for eagles. We saw 1. They were not impressed. They were more impressed with the open garage doors in a neighborhood in a small town. We stumbled through the neighborhood looking for a park where we could have our lunch. They were shocked and amazed that people would leave their garage doors open. It was a foreign land.

Back at school I noticed that K had developed a particular fascination with Cardinals. He said he admired the fact that they were territorial. And that they were red. He said he had watched one at his mother's bird feeder. He claimed that it had fought and chased off 2 larger Blue Jays. Claimed the feeder for his own. His bird project poster featured among other things Cardinals killing Blue Jays. I also noticed the same theme in the poster that R-1 and R-3 had created. A Cardinal had decapitated a Blue Jay. It was Bloods and Crips. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bloods. The Bloods were triumphant.

The Father

2006-10-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

R-2 was not here today. There was a message from his mother saying her tran had gone out. She said he will be every day from now on. She makes excuses. She makes promises. I have heard this before. RL calls his PO. He says he will visit the home.

It is a little after noon. R-2's father is in my office. He is sweating. He is covered in oil and grime. He works in a steel factory. I reach to shake his hand. He says he is dirty. I shake his hand anyway. He says he's here to check on R-2. I say he is not here. He is worried about his son. He is just out of prison. He has an ankle bracelet. He is trying to do right. He is worried about the son living with the mother. There are drugs. There is no money. He had to move out. It was too crazy. He does not want to go back to prison. Now he is living with another son. He wants to get R-2 out of the house. The house with no electricity and a mother on meth. He is saving his money to save his son. He does not want his past to be his future.

Mid-Quarter

2006-10-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

Now we are at mid-quarter:
N is still in JDC. Should come back next week.

B is done. I cut him. His PO will violate.We will only take him back after a meeting with his mother and his PO. They must agree to counseling of a formal sort. I am doubtful.

R-2 did not show up. I am getting worried about his attendance. He could have gotten his .5s if he had shown today. Now he gets smacked with .25s and needs to step up. I fear trouble on the home front. His mother is useless.

B-2 is out sick with the flu. He will get .25s. Those 2 days he took being lazy will cost him now. At least his parents are calling.

R-3 is doing well. Here every day. Earned all .5s

K has done great this far. Sort of. He told another teacher on Thurs that he was "bout to get stole on" if he didn't get out his face. I sat him down the next morning and said he needed to get this straight. I have seen him in this state before. He always justifies his rage. This time he is contrite. His head is down and he says little. He apologizes to E and shakes his hand. Light years from what he would have done last year. He earns all his credit. He has missed 0 days.

R-1 is conspicuous by his absence. I call his father's cell. He tells me in broken English that R-1 is on his way. He had to round up money for gas. He should arrive any minute. He does. He is over on his attendance. His behavior and attention to detail on his work are above and beyond. I give him all his credit and warn him that his PO is watching. I think he has rank in the Asian Bloods. He is quiet and aware. I know he is bangin on the streets. He is bangin in his head. He is in deep. I want to see him here in June.

A has been here every day. He has become lazy and whiney. His thinking process disturbs me. He is missing assignments. He swears he left them at home. He swears he will bring them Monday. I don't believe him. The low-grade noncompliance is showing. I give him .25s for now. He must bring the missing assignments. We will see.

A-2 has earned all his credit. He is thriving. He is still a troubled boy. Something not right at home.

E has missing assignments. He hates to write. He is doing better than before. But I expect more. We have a long way to go. I give him .25s in Language Arts. .5s for the others.

L is hyper and happy. He is over by a day but I give him full credit. He is doing better than he ever has. Still I am troubled. I know he will not be here Monday.

M is new. I started him yesterday. We have known his family a long time. I have taught his brothers R and D. They are a troubled family. He has a black eye and an arm heavily bandaged. Slice by a knife. Just yesterday. A fight in a park. He is on probation for felony burglary. He has no credits. He has an IEP. I know his mother from years past. She just wants to fill out the paper work. He will be a piece of work.

Memories

2006-09-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

Nancy Atwell has created a writing course called "Lessons That Change Writers". I have never followed the whole program. I take bits and pieces. One piece I use is called "Questions For Memoirist". Some of these questions cut deep. Very deep. We run through the list of about 20 questions. I say they can answer with 1 or 2 sentences. Then they choose 10 of those and write short paragraphs. This is some of what they have to say:

N responds superficially to most of the questions. I tell him I need more. He says he can't. He is squiriming. Finally I say alright. Write me a paragraph about why you don't want to write about these questions.

Why I don't wanna right more questionz.

These questions cut into my personal life and make me note how fucked up my life really is I may be a piece of shit but at least I dont want to know it I mean I come to school I do my chores I ask to get out of my fucking house is that really that fucking bad. I mean god damit all I want is some me time kik it with my homeys or something else than be the bitch of the house I hate being the one they always give shit Im to blame for every fucking thing she spends 1,000 dollars on her fuckin fake ass daughter not even her own kid doesnt get me shit even though she know I aint got nothin and that bitch is a hoe my own fuckin mom doesnt even love me my goddam dad was never there for me and always left me for some bitch only one who ever took care of me was my brother and other than that I HATE my FAMILY.

R-2 What's something that happened to me at school that I will always remember?

Long Day At School

It was a long day at school when I got frustrated at my teacher because she was hounding me about my candy I was eating so I threw it and I didn't try to hit her but it did so she sent me to see the counselor and he told me to tell him what's on my mind and that everything was confidential but he lied to me. So I told him what I thought and I said I felt like shooting her but I didn't say it I drew a picture of it. The next day I went to the bus stop and wondered why the bus didn't pick me up so I went home and the police were there to pick me up and I got charged with terroristic threats.

What's a time with a parent that I will never forget?

Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

Me and my dad were just chillen and we heard a loud knock at the door that sounded like a police knock and my dad got spooked because he had a warrant for his arrest so the police yell search warrant and come through the door and find my dad hiding and they let the dog loose on him. He had to go to the hospital then to prison for almost 5 years. Felon + gun = 5years federal prison.

What's an incident that changed how I think or feel about something?

My fathers past is becoming my future

Seeing my dad do wrong made me want to do wrong until I kept going to jail like him. I started getting sick of being behind closed doors not being able to do what I wanted to do. Then I read this book that had a saying that said my fathers past is becoming my future so I tried to change my ways and it worked so far.

And then there is this.

L- What have I seen that I can't forget?

The Real Shit

The real shit that I’ve seen is my mom being naked and all I could do is turn my head fast as I can but no good. It was burned in my head. I tried thinking of Power Rangers but it didn't work. So now I cant even look at my mom the same no more. But she still is my mom even though what I saw was nasty. But I still love her the same amount.

More to come...

Perilous

2006-09-25T16:28:00.001-07:00

The Crossroads is only the beginning of the journey. It is the merging and separation of 2 worlds. It is neither here nor there. It is a place fraught with peril. Who will still be with us in June?

B shows up 45 minutes late. He is nervous and unsure. He searches for my disapproval in a glance. He has court in 3 days. Later he asks "So how do you think I'm doin?" He has missed 4 days. Been late all the rest but 1. Missed his 1st counseling session. I say he's not doin so good. We won't be able to do this all year. His time is running out. They will force other options. There is a lot of work to do. He can do it. The choice is his. Even though it is beyond him. In many ways it is so beyond him. At this point all I can do is throw the dice and pray for luck.

N is in JDC. He will be there for at least 2 weeks. He is out of control at home and refuses to cooperate. We will wait for him. Things do not look good.

B-2 shows up 1/2 hour late. He missed last Thursday. His parents have called his PO. He says he is sick. His face is puffy and he seems congested. He is wearing a white parka that seems to fit him too small. He sits in a daze. His PO is gathering force.

L is not here today. This makes 2. It is hard to reach his dad. He works in a vault in a bank. We always get his voice-mail. He always responds with good intentions and concerns. L does not seem to do well on Mondays. It seems he spends the weekend at his mother's and must transition back to his father's late Sunday. 2 days is not bad but we are just getting started. It is easy for these things to tumble out of control.

R-1 is back. His PO did not find him over the weekend to give him his gift of 48 hours. He said that L was havig contractions and that he had to take her to the hospital. He could not call. He had no minutes on his cell. His home phone is disconnected. His PO comes by to see him but we are on a walk to the bridge. He knows now that his PO is gathering force.

A-2 is not here. He is always here. But not today. His father calls. Things are not good at home. A-2 refuses to go to school because he has no shoes. His father says there are 6 pairs in the closet. His headphones are an issue It's the gangster rap. He wears them constantly. His father says he does it to shut them out. He wants no part of his family. Except for the shoes. His father will take him to get new shoes.

We walk to the bridge. A perfect fall day. Our days like this are numbered. By Wednesday it will be wet and cold. Then it will get worse. I tell R-2 he is doing well. Friday is mid-quarter. He must not miss a day. He needs all his credits at mid-quarter. He says he will try but makes no promises. They have had no electricty since Friday. The house is cold. What do you do with out lights and heat? Nothing he says but sit in the dark with blankets and candles. Use cold water.

Our days like this are numbered. By Wednesday it will be wet and cold...then it will get worse.

Love is the Law

2006-09-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the POs must do their jobs. I have never really met one with bad intentions. I need for the POs to do their jobs. Otherwise some of the young Masters get lax about their commitments. During the last week B. has been up to his old tricks. He missed 2 days. He and his mother missed an appointment with L. His mother says he has been staying up all night. He is skipping his meds. She is going to start counting them. Oops. Yes. She forgot about the appointment. His PO drops in. B. is not here. It is lunch. Court is getting close. It does not look good for B. They may have to send him away. B. shows up after lunch. I tell him his PO has been by. He wants to know what he said. I say it does not look good. He says he will fix it. He wants to be here. He can do it. I tell him I am not hopeful. I tell him I want more than anything for him to prove me wrong on my lack of faith. He says he will.

N.'s mother was here Monday looking for him. He did not go home over the weekend. I let them talk in the lunchroom. 2 days later N. is not in school. His PO calls. He is locked up. He has stolen money from his mother. He may be locked up till next Tuesday when he has court. They may place him outside of the home.

A PO comes to check on R.-1 and R.-2. on Thursday. R.-2 is doing good. He missed a day this week but he called me at 8:30 in the morning. Wide awake. He lost his bus card. He has no ride. He has no money. I believe him. He gets a ride the next day and gets a new bus card. R.-1 is on his 4th missed day. He does not call. The PO says he will violate him and lock him up for 48 hours. There goes the weekend R.-1. Get your ass to school.

The Pipe Ceremony

2006-09-21T19:34:00.001-07:00

He was here when I came 7 years ago. He has gone to other things but he still comes here. He does sweats. He opens and he closes. He has had a hard life. He has spent time in prison. He is one bad ass dude. Now he can sing and pray. Sometimes he cries when he prays. His songs make me cry. No kid that I know has ever crossed him. The Pipe Ceremony is to ask for blessings. It is to honor the Spirit over All. The ceremony is voluntary. Only for those who choose. All of mine choose and I am surprised. They must sit still for over an hour. They must listen. They must respect. They could be in the computer lab surfing the internet. But they come to the gym and listen to the lesson and the story. The air is heavy with sage. The songs are sung. The tobacco is bundled into prayers and offerings. The pipe is passed. A big circle. The boys on one side. The girls on the other. The male and the female. The stem and the bowl. Inside... the smoke of the Spirit. Near the end I look across to the other side of the gym. A. has his lighter out. He is holding the flame on the leg of the boy sitting next to him...goddamnit.

The Devil

2006-09-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

This is it as it pertains to the details. After this it is strictly the stories. Theirs and mine. The data and details and tests are spoken elsewhere. For 3 hours 5 days a week: We do current events using newspapers. We do American History starting with the indigenous and ending somehwhere around the Civil War. We do American Lit starting with creation and ending somewhere around John Steinbeck. We speak. We write. We walk to the bridge. We come to this place every day. We are left behinds. Fuck George Bush.

The characters

2006-09-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

The characters:

R-1. 17. Tried to enter as an 11th grader but got passed to me. Not much in the way of credit. Boyfriend of L. Baby on the way. Missed much school last year. Spent a lot of time locked up. On probation. Arms covered with tattoos. Asian Blood ties. Attendance is an issue. Gangbanging. Missing school. Quiet . Polite. My biggest concern is will he stick with the attendance and resist the pull of the homies. Makes good effort in his work.

A-1. 15. Started here mid-year last year. Presents as very quiet almost effeminate in his voice and mannerisms. Lives in foster care. Mother illegal status. He sees her on weekends but does not live with her. Still don’t know the full story. Has switched schools numerous times. Expelled from another last school for bringing a knife. Said he felt threatened by gangs. Low grade non-compliance. Behavior issues. Took and broke another students sunglasses at end of last school year. His foster dad made him pay for them. During summer school he burned a Jr. High kid on the face and arms with a lighter while sitting in the back of a car on a field trip. The kid he burned has a permanent reminder of the incident etched into his cheek.

K. 15. Hmong kid. Came in spring of last year. On probation for truancy. Parents don’t speak English. He has cultural conflict. Calls himself J. He wants to be an American gangster. Down for the Bloods. Would do anything to gain rep or rank. Can be engaging. Likes to do well and get praise. Quick to anger. He seems calmer and more focused this year. I am afraid he would pull a trigger to impress th OGs.

E. 16. Huge EBD file. Mental health issues. Depression. Medications. Past therapy. Started here last year. Quiet. Does not like to engage. Does not seem to know how to start work. Hates to write. Issue with his hat. Would wear a knit cap, folded and placed on top of his head. This summer he went off in a classroom and refused to leave. He kicked a chair across a room. Last year he faded out in the spring. Left early came late. Always some drama with his cousins or homies on the street. His parents seemed unable to help. They made good to stay in communication with us but the drama was too strong to stop him. Had to meet with parents before we let him back. So far so good. Underneath the anger is seething.

A-2 . 16. Started here in summer school. Earned 3 credits. In my interview for fall enrollment he said he left school last year in January and never returned. I asked his dad how that was and he did not have an answer. A. said it was irrelevant and that he was ready to try again. I insisted he tell us the story of how it was he missed half a year of school and what led up to that. He refused to speak when his dad was in the room. His dad went to another room and I left A. with L. who is family therapist intern who works on my team. I spoke with his dad. The dad said his son had mental issues and drinking issues. He did not understand how this came to be and why his son was so filled with rage. With his dad out of the room A tells L that the teachers bugged him and got in his business and did not know how to respect him so he left and never went back. I said he must go to the Crossroads and participate and go to group and that we might get in his business. He said he would not like that but that he would do what he had to do. So far A is quiet and motivated. He is here every day. I believe he is sincere. If he continues I will pass him through the Crossroads. So far he is the only candidate who might make it beyond the Crossroads anytime soon.

R-2. 16. Came here around mid-year last year. Long history of school resistance. Initially quiet and respectful but seething with anger underneath. Family of outlaws. His father is a Latin King OG. His mom is frantic, nervous, meth teeth, over bleached hair, clothes unwashed dirty fingers and nails. Nothing but excuses for everything that has gotten her son in trouble. They are all just out to get him. Bad attendance and little work effort were with us from the start. I grew tired of my attempts of gentle coaxing. Too many breaks. Getting nothing back. Finally after he refused to attempt some petty assignment I said he could not come back unless we met with his mom. This was in April. No response to my phone calls. Then the phone was disconnected. Then she would call and leave messages but no number. Finally in early June she calls with 6 million reasons why it has taken this long. By then he is being violated on his probation. His PO is on a mission. Again everybody is out to get her son. Late August she calls and wants him to come back. He’s been locked up. Completed treatment. Now he must be in school. On the phone she says he is a new man and ready to get serious. We meet. He slouches cap cocked to the side. Latin King yellow shirt and laces. He does not seem a new man at all. I take him.

N. 16. It took him a while to get here. His mom made several appointments but he was always rippin and runnin from the cops. Finally they caught him and after a little stint in JDC he comes in with his mom and his PO. He's got a thick file. Behavior. Fighting. Drinking. Not behaving at home or in the community. He's got a sarcastic wit and a vocabulary beyond ghetto-speak. How oxymoronic. He explained that word to the class his first day. He had attempted summer school but was involved in the incident with E. He was told he could never come back.But now he is back. His prospects are dim.

L. 16. He came last year. I was reluctant to even do an interview. His file was thick with incident reports of wacky behavior.Running around the building. Jumping on tables. He is behind on credits. He's long and lanky light skinned with braids. He lives with his father who says the last year was hard with the living situation. I let him start and he is overly polite and eager. Two days later he is pouty and difficult. For the rest of the year he is off and on. We meet several times with his dad who is always willing to support. Not much changes. He never completes a task. He fades away without earning credit. In August I tell his dad I will only take him back if he comes to the Crossroads. He does.

B-1. 15. When he came last year he was 14. He presents as someone much older. His face is pock-marked. He reminds me of a cross between Woody Allen and a young Dustin Hoffman. He has a world of issues. Truancy. He refuses to go to school. He is depressed. He is OCD. I try to ask him questions. His mother speaks for him. I try to redirect to him. Still his mother speaks for him. He burns her with his eyes and yells at her. We are getting nowhere. I tell him to leave the room. The mother pours forth her problems and his problems. She is part of the problem. After a while he returns and says he is ready. He hardly comes to school. He is on intensive probation. Court order. They lock him up. They put him in shelter. They put him in a group home. He comes for one day. He comes late. On and on we go. He is articulate and intelligent beyond his years. He is bored. He only cares about the sports page he keeps folded under his arm. His mother says that sometimes he waits up all night for the paper to arrive. That's why he can't make it to school on time. He goes to court again and again. They warn him and warn him. They cannot break him. Finally we have enough. Then in August his mother calls. He is fixed. He is on meds. He is helpful at home. He is ready to come back. Everything is great. We meet. He is sullen and mute. Dejavu. His mother is speaking for him. He glares at her. I ask why are you here. We have done this before. Maybe you should go somewhere else. He says no. He is ready to come back. He is at the Crossroads. Things will be better. He will fix himself. I say ok.

B-2.16. He came in the spring of last year. A big baby-faced kid. He has academic skills but does not like school. He was on probation for truancy. He is pleasant and respectful. At home he has issues with anger. Fights with his sister. Fights other kids. He's got drug and alcohol isssues. He continues to miss school even though his PO is checking on him. He gets locked up for weekends but still skips. He ends the year poorly. Too many days. Not much work. He and his mom show up on sign-up day. He needs to be in school. Still on probation. Crossroads is the only option. So far he has only missed one day.

R-3. 16. He was here all of last year. Lots of ups and downs. Asian Blood Rollin 50s Piru. He has skills. Sometimes he is erratic. Always late.He has cusses out teachers out of the blue. Then is apologetic the next day. Smoked weed at school. Caught twice. There were a lot of people living in his house. The homeless homies.Last year he tells us that when he was 8 he had a brain tumor and now he bares the scar behind his head. After the operation he had to learn to walk and talk all over again. His recovery seems remarkable. Now he is here. In August he shows up for sign-up 2 days late. I make him come back with his mother. He is a candidate for Crossroads. His mother agrees.

Me-50. Too jaded and cynical for my own good. I have done this a long time. I have shut my brain to new things. My colleagues embrace the new and move forward. I don't care. I can't focus on the detail. The"No Child" has got me reeling. I look too forward to summers off and Friday martinis served in tumblers.I tell myself that I do not want to go back. I say these things and think I feel them. But I don't. It is ironic that the data has driven me to think outside my box about the things I know. Keep it simple. I am at the Crossroads.

The setting

2006-09-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

Give me a small clean room. Room enough for 11 or 12 kids. The floor is green tiles. The walls are a muted yellow. The tables are oblong with fake wood veneer. There is a round wooden veneer table near the door. The chairs are green plastic but they all match. I have access to the heating and cooling system. There is a whiteboard on one wall. I let them sit where they want. It is peacful. The lights are muted. The regular classrooms are bright and white. White tables. Bright light. It feels different in here. I have 3 tall bookshelves. There are no books. Instead they have become places to keep stacks of writing paper. Folders. Assignments. Pencils and pens. The books will come. The setting has an effect. It creates the ambiance. "In here we is stoned. Immaculate."

Intro

2006-09-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

Most of them are 16 and 17 years old, Some a little younger. They are 9th and 10th graders. All of them in some shape or form have failed miserably in school. They have few credits. They tend to be truant. Most have broken the law at some time in their lives and been caught. Many are raised by wolves or worse. They straight-up gangstas.For some reason I like them. But they cannot go on like this. I cannot go on like this. Something has got to change. This could be their last chance. They are at the crossroads. I am at the crossroads. We are Masters of the Crossroads. The devil is always in the detail...the devil is always in the deal.